Going Anywhere But Here
by Aenigmatis
Summary: Years ago Buffy and Spike had a one-night stand. Three months later he leaves for NYU and she learns she's pregnant. Five years later he is a rock star with a meaningless life and when he decides to go home to Sunnydale he finds things are very different
1. Prologue & Chapter 1

Title: Going Everywhere But Here

Rating:PG13

Prologue

Five Years Ago

"So, you're really going? You're just gonna up and leave Sunnydale, leave me, after everything?" Buffy asked the young man sitting on the porch step beside her. It was a clear cool night, and as she looked up at him through her lashes, he could see the moonlight reflected off her unshed tears.

Seeing a girl on the verge of crying had always been hard on Spike, especially when he was the cause of it, but damn it- this was not his fault. He couldn't help that the one night they had spent together meant way more to her than to him. It wasn't his fault that the one female friend he hooked up with happened to be rather clingy. He had to get out of there fast. He still had to finish packing 'cause NYU waits for no man.

"You know I have to, pet. Don't look so glum. We're friends, but we've never really been close. In a few weeks, you won't even remember me. Maybe I'll see you sometime when I'm home," he said as he quickly got up from his seat and walked away before she could say anything else.

Chapter 1

Present

Sunnydale

He was wrong. In five years, Buffy hadn't seen Spike once because he hadn't been home a single time. After he got on the plane to New York, he never looked back and probably never gave her a second thought.

He was also wrong when he said she would forget him. She thought of him hundreds of times each day, every time she looked at the small figure currently drowsing in her car's passenger seat. Dawn's long straight hair and distinctly stubborn streak told everyone she was Buffy Summers' daughter, but only Buffy knew for sure where her piercing blue eyes came from.

The car pulled up to the house on Revello Drive that Buffy had grown up in and that now her daughter would grow up in. She got out of the car and quietly shut her door. She walked around to the other side, got Dawn out, and carried the four year old inside.

After putting her to bed to finish her nap, Buffy went to her bedroom to change out of the clothes she had worn to her job as a secretary. She looked around the room that she now called her own. After her mother Joyce died suddenly of an aneurysm a couple years back, Buffy moved her things into the house's master bedroom and converted her old room into a playroom for Dawn.

At one time, she had big dreams for herself. She was going to go to college, but she had had to drop out to take care of Dawn. She wanted a good job, but without a college degree, her job answering the phone and filing at a local law office was as good as she could hope for. She had wanted to see the world, but now she would be happy to have more than a few dollars left in her checking at the end of the month. Now, she didn't have any dreams for herself left; all of her dreams were for Dawn's life. It may not be the life she had envisioned five years ago, but it was the life she had, and it made her happy.

Dressed in more child-friendly clothes, Buffy walked downstairs to the kitchen and started cooking supper. When the chicken strips were done, she put them on plates and went up to her daughter's room. The pastel walls with their fluffy painted clouds were a lot different from the wallpaper her Joyce had up when it was just a guest room. She walked over to the bed and gently woke up the little girl.

"Come on, sleepy. Dinner's ready. I made your favorite," she said as she led her down the steps and to the kitchen. Watching Dawn eat made Buffy smile wide, and it once again reminded her how good her life really was.

New York

He didn't know if he had been right or not. He didn't know how she was or what she was doing because he'd never been back. He didn't know if she ever gave him a second thought, but he had. Almost everyday since he got off the plane at JFK International, he had thought of the girl he left behind. Buffy might not have been the one that stayed in his bed the longest, but she was the one that had stayed in his mind forever.

NYU had been a new horizon for him. A place to completely leave behind the boy named William he had been and embrace the man named Spike he had become. College breathed life into his somewhat dull existence up until the day that changed the course of his life.

He had been singing at an open mike night after loosing a bet with some of his new buddies. After leaving the small stage to a surprising chorus of applause, he was approached by a representative from a record label. From that moment on, he was a rock star on the rise.

Five years passed by in a blur for him in an endless precession of women, booze, travel, and still more women. His life was full of everything he could ever want, but his heart was empty. He had things, but he had no one.

Spike looked around his spacious flat in upper Manhattan and realized that there was nothing there that would let someone know a person lived there. Sure it was furnished and lavishly decorated, his designer had seen to that, but there was nothing personal in it. There were no photos, no magazines, not even a phonebook. He stayed there when he wasn't on tour, but it wasn't home. The only place that came to mind when anyone mentioned home was not the rolling hills of his native England but the golden town in California he left far behind.

That was when he knew it. This life might fit him, but it wasn't everything he needed out of life. What he needed were friends, family, and the blue Pacific Ocean. He picked up the phone and dialed his manager. He told the man to book him a flight to Los Angeles. He'd be back in New York soon, but for now, he was going home.

Author's Note: I hope everyone likes this. I know what I have so far is kind of short, but it will be a semi-lengthy story when it's done. I know what I want to do with it next, however my college classes are getting stressful right now so the next chapter might be about a week. Until then please let me know what you think of it so far. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Present

The sunlight streaming through her bedroom window in brilliant rays between the open curtains woke Buffy from her night's rest. Having a small child had trained her body to wake up, and she rarely slept passed 7:00 anymore. Motherhood had changed her life completely in every respect, and being forced to become a morning person was one of the minor ones.

It was Saturday, her favorite day of the week, her day off. No work, no babysitter for Dawn, and no demands on her time other than those she chose to endure. For one day a week, she had all the time in the world to spend with her daughter.

Buffy rolled over and looked at the red numbers on the digital clock on her nightstand- 7:22. Huh, seems she was getting a late start this morning. Dawn would still be asleep for a little while, so Buffy had time to get in her weekend ritual. She got up from the large bed, gathered some comfortable clothes, and headed to the bathroom to shower.

When she emerged a few minutes later, she had on the faded blue jeans she'd had for several years and an unimpressive burgundy shirt. Quietly, Buffy made her way down the hall to Dawn's room. She sat down in the rocking chair that her friend Xander had built for her, and she watched her beautiful little girl sleep. This was how she spent every morning she didn't have to work. She never read or caught up on bills- she just watched. But today, she thought and remembered.

Almost five years ago

The first time she chalked it up stress, the anxiety of starting college soon was getting to her. But after two missed periods and the way she had been acting, she had to face up to the possibility. That very afternoon, she went out and bought one of those home tests. She brought it home and locked herself in the bathroom.

She sat staring at the little stick a few feet away on the counter for fifteen minutes before she got up the courage to look. Finally, she got up from her seat on the closed toilet and picked it up. One glance told her all she needed to know because the two lines shone out at her. Buffy Anne Summers was pregnant. Now all she had to do was tell her mom.

When Joyce got home from the gallery that night, she walked through the front door and saw her only daughter sitting on the couch with her 'things are serious' look firmly in place. She went into the living and sat down by Buffy while asking in her concerned mom tone, "Buffy, sweetie, what is it?"

"Did you really mean it when you told me I could always tell you anything and you wouldn't judge me for it, or were you just saying that 'cause you thought it was the right thing to say at the time?" Buffy asked. She had to tell her mother. She wanted to and needed to tell her mother, but she was still apprehensive about the whole thing.

"Of course, honey, you really can tell me anything. What has you so upset? It can't be all that bad."

Buffy looked down at her lap, half out of shame and half out of fearfulness. Through the curtain of hair that had fallen in front of her face, she mumbled something Joyce couldn't quite make out. Trying not to upset her any further, she calmly said, "I can't hear you, dear."

"I'm pregnant," Buffy responded, looking up into her mother's eyes, expecting disappointment, but all she saw was love.

In retrospect, Joyce had taken it a lot better than she had expected. She didn't ask how it had happened, and she didn't press for details when all Buffy would say about the father was that he had recently left town to see what life had waiting for him. Joyce did exactly what she had promised to do. She supported her daughter, she was a shoulder to cry on, and she had a wealth of information about what she could expect. The soon-to-be addition to the Summers' household drew the two women together as nothing else could have.

Present

Spike had barely gotten off the plane at LAX, and he already felt more complete- more relaxed, more at home. He walked across the airport terminal and picked up the handset of one of the many payphones. He dialed his uncle's number and waited for the man to pick up. When his brother Philip and his brother's wife Anne had been killed in the accident, Rupert Giles took in his young nephew William and did the best job he could of raising the boy. Soon, the ringing ceased, and his voice came over the line.

Spike quickly explained to his uncle that he was coming home for a visit. He assured him that no, he did not need a ride from the airport because he was just about to pick up his rented car. With the promise to see him soon, Spike hung up the phone. He collected his car keys from the rental stand, walked out to the small Chevrolet, and got out on the highway.

It wasn't a very long drive from Los Angeles to Sunnydale, but it gave him enough time to think about how he had come to such an empty place in his life.

About four years ago

He had thought that the many trips into LA that he had taken over the years had prepared him for his new life New York, but he wrong, so very wrong. From the weather to the tempo of life, it might as well have been a different planet. It was so unlike from what he had been accustomed to.

After being at NYU for a year without ever having the urge to go back to the life he had left far behind him, Spike felt like a New Yorker. He went to see plays on Broadway, he saw concerts at Madison Square Garden, and he saw snow for the first time since his early childhood in England with his parents. He had a wide circle of friends, and it was because of them the course of his future changed forever.

It was the end of the fall semester of classes, and Spike and his closest friends had gone out to a club to celebrate finals being over. The club had an open mike that night, and after a few rounds, his buddies were able to convince, or rather shame, him into taking the stage. They were expecting a drunken spectacle, but what they got was something very different.

He got up there under the harsh stage lights and belted out Sinatra's _My Way,_ stunning the on-looking crowd. A round of applause went up, and an encore was requested. This time it was a heavy metal song that blew them away. When Spike made it back to his seat, his stunned friends patted him on the back but lacked the word to describe what had just occurred.

A man dressed in a dressy casual outfit of dark denim jeans, a white button-up shirt, and black leather motorcycle jacket approached Spike later into the night. He walked over to him while he was at the bar, stuck out his hand in greeting, and introduced himself. "Good evening. I'm Mitch Reynolds, and I represent Offline Records. And you are?"

"The name's Spike. What's this all about?" he asked cautiously. The guy seemed legit, but he's heard about bogus people posing as record execs running scams.

"I heard you sing earlier. Nice range by the way. We're always looking for new talents, and I think you could be our next big thing." He handed Spike his card and continued. "My number is on the card. Give me a call, and we'll set up an appointment. I'd like to have my bosses hear you. I'll be seeing you." They once again shook hands, and Mitch walked away.

Spike looked down at the card he held and made the decision to call the next morning. One chance encounter brought about by circumstance and drunken friends had just replaced all of his dreams of writing for a living with those of living the rock-star life.

Author's Note: Sorry it took a while to update this. I had trouble getting it where I wanted it. Let me know what you think. Thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The wooden bench had begun to dig into her legs and leave a distinct impression on her flesh after having sat there for more than half an hour. The bench's discomfort had long ago started to annoy the other mothers in the park, but Buffy never felt it. All of her senses were focused on how the light glinted off her daughter's hair and the small sounds of laughter that floated on the breeze each time Dawn whooshed down the slide.

Glorious. No words could describe the sheer pleasure Buffy received from their trips to the park, but glorious came close.

The sound of her phone ringing startled her. One-handed, Buffy removed said cell phone from her purse. She glanced at the display to see who was calling and seeing the caller to be her best friend Willow she quickly answered it.

"Hey Will. What's up?" Buffy said while watching Dawn play on the swings with one of her little friends.

"Not much." Willow replied. After knowing the redhead since before the pair ever started school Buffy had learned how to tell when her friend was trying to be evasive.

"Come on Will. What ever it is can't be that dire."

"Well, Xander wanted us all to have a movie night since we haven't in a while. You know, me, you, him, and Anya."

"That sounds great. I meant to suggest one the other day and forgot."

"That's good 'cause I kind of volunteered your house for it. Is that okay?"

"Of course Will. Dawnie and I have to go to the grocery later this afternoon. We'll just pick up some extra movie food while we're there."

"Great. I'll let Xander know to go ahead and get the movies. Speaking of my favorite little girl, what's Dawnie up to?"

"She just went down the slide again. Just a sec." Buffy held the phone in her lap and yelled, "Dawnie, you want to talk to your Auntie Willow?"

A small dark blonde head nodded. Dawn ran over to her mother and took the phone. A huge smile broke out on her face at hearing her Auntie Willow. Buffy was thankful that her friends had been so supportive of her and Dawn. It they hadn't stood by her she didn't think she would have made it through Joyce's illness.

-

Three years ago

She didn't like this place. The sterile colors and eerie silence made the hospital a hated and feared place for Buffy. The smell always reminded her of when her cat had died when she was a child. She would like nothing more than to never have to darken its doorstep again and she would move heaven and earth if would keep herself from having to, but her mother was sick. Joyce had to be here so Buffy was here.

Buffy sat in the uncomfortable chair and watched her beloved mother sleep in the hospital bed. She looked so frail lying against the crisp white sheets, so different from the strong, vibrant woman Buffy was used to. It hurt to see Joyce like that and to know there was nothing she could do to help her.

Slowly Joyce's eye opened and her gaze fell on her only daughter. To her, Buffy looked so tired and so very young. It seemed so odd that her little girl had actually grown up so fast and had a little girl of her own, a little girl that needed her. "Buffy sweetie. You're still here."

"Of course. I said I would be didn't I." Buffy replied.

"When you said you'd be here for me I didn't except you to actually be 'here' for me all the time. You should go home. Dawnie needs you more than I do."

"Willow and Xander are taking care of her right now. She's in more than capable hands."

"Willow and Xander are good babysitters, but Dawnie needs more than that. She needs her mother; she needs you Buffy."

"So do you." Buffy said in a voice that was becoming shaky.

"Buffy. Go home." Joyce commanded in her mom voice that would not tolerate any arguments.

After gathering her purse on her shoulder, Buffy left the hospital room and made her way to the house on Revello Drive.

Opening the front door of the house and walking into the living room she saw her daughter sitting in Willow's lap and giggling at the puppet show Xander was performing for her. Their heads turned at the sound of the door closing. Dawn jumped from Willow's lap and ran to her. Buffy scooped her up and the happiness in the little girl's face put there simply by having her mother with her told Buffy all she needed to know. Joyce was right. This is where she was needed.

-

A tugging on her sleeve brought Buffy's attention back to the four year old in front of her. A quiet cell phone was handed to her. She wondered what happen to Willow, but she didn't have to wonder long.

"Auntie Willow went bye-bye. She said she had to call Uncle Xander. You come play now." Dawn told her. There would be no arguing with the command to play. She had definitely inherited her grandmother's resolve voice.

"Alright sweetie. What do you want to play?" Buffy inquired.

"Swings!" was the gleefully yelled answer.

Dawn grabbed Buffy's hand and began dragging her toward the swing set. As they were walking Buffy caught a glimpse into a car that was passing the park. The driver looked so familiar through the tinted glass, but she couldn't tell who it was and there was no way it was who it reminded her of. Sunnydale wasn't important enough or exciting enough for him. Buffy shook the thought from her mind and concentrated on situating her daughter in the swing.

-

He had walked into his uncle's house to find it oddly devoid of the eccentric Englishman. The man was always so absorbed in his research and his writing that he rarely left the house. The magic store he owned was taken care of now by some woman that Rupert considered more than capable of the job so that left him with plenty of time to work on his manuscripts. Spike never really took an interest in his uncle's love of the occult but he had learn a lot just by living with him while he was working on his reference books for some many years.

Spike took a quick glance around the first floor after dropping his suitcase near the door. It had been such a long time since he had spent his youth as William in this house and yet the lack of décor change made the time not seem so vast. He found a note addressed to him lying on the kitchen table.

"William,

I'm terribly sorry I wasn't able to be here to welcome you home. Unfortunately I had to go down to the shop for the day. Shipments coming in all day plus all the customers for the big sale and Anya is there alone today. I'll be back around eight most likely. Do make yourself at home. I'm sure you'll probably want to take a drive around the old town. If you do, could you stop by the grocery? I'm afraid I haven't found the time to all week and we are quite out of food. Splendid. I'll see you tonight.

-Uncle Rupert"

Spike had to smile as he read the short note. He had a sneaking suspicion that the reason his uncle hadn't gone to get food was because he had got caught up in some shaman's history and hadn't stopped writing until he was needed at the shop.

Even though being coerced into something didn't sit right with him, Spike didn't relish spending the afternoon in the house alone and the thought of driving by some of his old memories did sound appealing. He walked out to the rental car, turned on the engine, and headed farther into town.

Driving past the old high school made him think of the years he had spent within those walls and how unlucky in love he had been back then. Of course that led him to thinking of how unlucky in love he had been since then, one reason his current existence was so empty and he had made his way back here.

-

Three years ago

He didn't like this place. The apartment building hadn't been where he had wanted to move into, but it was the one that his girl friend of ten months Drusilla had wanted. At the time he had thought he was in love with her and he wanted to make his dark princess happy. Spike had wanted to be nearer to Greenwich Village. He might not write all of his own songs anymore, but he still felt like one of the real artists that lived there. Dru wouldn't hear of it. The Village was too far away from the mainstream and downtown she said, so here he was, riding the elevator to his Manhattan apartment.

After living in the building, and with Dru, for the past few months he had begun spending much more time at the studio. The silence of the recording booth was his sanctuary from the New York lifestyle. It was where he went to escape the noise that plagued him even at night through the walls of the downtown apartment.

The elevator doors silently opened and he stepped out of it into his marble tiled entryway. The apartment seemed quiet as he walked through the expertly decorated rooms. He went and got an expensive beer from the kitchen and walked toward his television room. And that was when he saw them, the suitcases lining a wall in the hallway that led to the bedrooms.

Spike cautiously paced down the hall, getting ever closer to the apartment's several bedrooms. And that was when he heard it, the moans coming from one of the guest rooms. He flung open the door and the sudden motion startled the couple on the bed. A strange young man quickly ran to the side of the room covering himself with a pillow leaving Drusilla covered by the sheet on the bed and glaring at Spike for disturbing her.

"What the bloody hell is going on here Dru?" Spike yelled quite agitated.

"Oh calm down Spike. It's only sex." She replied.

"It's only sex! I don't believe this. You're cheating on me, in my own house."

"You act like this is something new darling."

"It's not! How long has this been going on? No wait, I don't think I want to know that."

"You've become a bore to me Spike. I had to go somewhere for excitement."

"Oh you can go somewhere alright, straight to hell for all I care just as long as it's somewhere other than here. I saw you're already packed and that's just fine. Get out of my house and take all of your things including the prat cowering in the corner."

"Now, you don't mean that Spike."

"Get out." He said in tone that allowed no arguments and pointed his finger at the door. He didn't move from that position until the hall was empty of suitcases and the elevator doors had slid closed.

-

The pain the memory of Dru's betrayal stung his heart even now when three years and thousands of miles separated him from the event. Spike had never let any of his subsequent relationships get as serious as that had gotten. Then he thought he had been in love, but now he knew it was just an infatuation.

Continuing to drive through the town he pushed all thoughts of Dru aside. He would not let her shadow ruin the beautiful day. The sun was shining and he was home, things could only go up from there.

Slowly he made his way past the park where he remembered playing while growing up. His uncle Rupert had brought him there often in hopes of the small orphan boy making friends. He had played with the kids then, but few ever became his actual friends.

He watched the kids playing and the attentive mothers sitting close by. As a young boy, Spike had needed his mother so much, but Rupert Giles had done his best to fill the gap. A blonde woman with her little girl near the swings caught his attention. She looked so familiar to him but he knew it couldn't be who the woman reminded him of. She had always been too timid to have a boyfriend so a child was out of the question. Spike dismissed the thought and drove on past the park.

Author's Note: I am so sorry about the lack of updates on this. My muse totally left me for a while, but I got found it again I wrote this entire thing in the last few hours. That should happen more often. I hope everyone likes this chapter. Don't worry I'm not gonna drag this first part much longer. Buffy and Spike are gonna meet in the next chapter and I already know the scene is gonna be really dramatic. Can't wait. Oh, and this part hasn't been beta'ed 'cause I wanted to get it out ASAP. Please let me know what you thought about this section.


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